Outtakes
by Heart's Door
Summary: We all know how cool ninjas are. But are there any moments when they AREN'T cool? Oh yes. Many. Welcome to the outtakes vault. Ch.3: Don't mess with Tsunade and her sake...
1. Family Reunion

**_Out-take #1_**

**The Loveliest Kind of Family Reunion**

"I-Itachi-nii-san!!" a tiny voice wailed.

The S-Class criminal looked down, gasping in surprise. Gazing up at him with an expression that reminded him of a mewling, lost kitten was a little eight-year-old girl. Her short, glossy hair caressed her cheeks in raven-colored waves, and huge onyx eyes widened even larger than before. They shone with large tears, and her mouth was shaped into a cute, little pout.

"Itachi-nii-san!!!" she repeated. Her tiny voice wobbled as she hiccupped, and her tears threatened to fall.

Itachi was at a loss for words. (After all, what could you say to someone as cute as this who caught you by surprise?) But he was able to utter a name.

"Saeko…"

The Uchiha wasn't sure what to do. Here was this little girl - his little sister - who he had thought he had slaughtered with the rest of their clan. After the event, he had been horrified when she was nowhere to be found, not even with his idiotic little brother, and had concluded that she had died with the rest. How could he have mistaken her for another of those idiots? After all, she was the one who loved him most, who understood him most. (Not to mention she was freakin adorable.) He had almost considered suicide but decided that she would have wanted him to live on.

"Saeko… What are you doing here?"

"I - I went to look for you! Cuz - (hiccup) - cuz -" The girl erupted into sobs.

With Itachi's stony expression now gone, he knelt down to his imouto's level. Hesitatingly, he opened his arms. The girl immediately rushed into them, and - though awkwardly at first - he wrapped them tightly around her. Her tears soaked his shirt, but he didn't care. Of course he wouldn't care. He was with his imouto now. His cute, tiny, _adorable_, little imouto. And that's all that mattered.

"What's wrong, Saeko?" he whispered gently.

The girl continued to sob and only shook her head.

Itachi waited patiently, holding her in his tight hug. Finally, after some time had passed, her sobbing subsided, and she pulled away from him.

The elder Uchiha stood, and he asked once again, "What's wrong, Saeko?"

After a few more hiccups and a couple of swipes at her runny nose, Saeko tilted her head so she could see at least _a part_ of her aniki's face.

"I-I… You… (sniff sniff)"

Itachi waited.

"You… (sniff)"

And waited…

"**YOU SUCK!!!!!!**" she wailed.

And before the missing-nin could even mutter "Ho shnap," she kicked him at his (cough) family jewels.

Hard.

And boy, did it _hurt_.

Now, being a man - even a powerful Akatsuki member kind of man - he did what all men do when they get kicked there.

He fell face down, and he didn't get up for a _long_, _long_, time.

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A/N: This isn't the Naruto series I was planning on starting, but I was suddenly struck with inspiration. Heh heh.  
I hope you guys enjoyed Out-take #1! Please review! The epilogue is up next. ;)

imouto - little sister  
aniki - older brother


	2. Family Reunion 2

**Epilogue**

Luckily for Itachi, there was only one other witness - a lowly farmer - and he was easily persuaded to keep his mouth shut. Oh yes, Itachi Uchiha was one to be feared, even when in the fetal position.

And Saeko?

She was never seen again. She had disappeared, without a trace, as soon as Itachi had finally recovered enough to lift his head and scan his surroundings. He mourned her sudden departure, but, at the same time… Let's just say she was lucky that she disappeared when she did, or she would have disappeared in _another _way, and it wouldn't be as pleasant…

On the other hand, in Konoha, somehow, Sasuke caught wind of the little incident…

Now whenever Itachi and Sasuke crossed paths again, the missing-nin's Mangekyou Sharingan wasn't quite as effective as it used to be.

After all, Sasuke always somehow ended up with tears and stomach cramps. ;)

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A/N: Ack! I'm sorry! I meant to upload this earlier in the week, but I had to work on a project and I've been, in a way, grounded from my computer. TT. Again, I'm sorry. I'm not sure how soon I can write the next chapter. (This epilogue is only the epilogue to the last chapter, not the whole series!) It might be a while before I can get on the computer again. It depends... But not to fear, I promise I will continue this series!


	3. Can't Touch This

**_Out-take #2_**

**Can't Touch This**

Tsunade was furious. Never had she been so offended. She had been through much, yes. Debts, hangovers, beating up the infamous perverted Jiraiya… But, no, never had she gone through such an incident as this one.

When she got her hands on that kid… She didn't care if he was Sarutobi's grandson--SHE WAS GONNA KILL HIM!

If she had known that the academy fundraising was going to turn out like this, she wouldn't have allowed it. No, no, she would've killed the one to suggest it on the spot!

The fifth Hokage glared at the massive banner hanging on the front of the Hokage Tower, as if her awesome ninja-y laser vision could send it to the depths of hell.

What did it say, you ask? Ha, ha, ha… That is a great question….

"Oi, Tsunada-sama. You're selling your sake?" A certain masculine voice lazily reached her ears.

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"Tsunade-sama, I just got the news! I'm so proud of you!"

"SHIZUNE, I'M NOT-- OI! GIMME BACK THAT BOX OF SAKE!"

"Tsunade-sama? Is it true?"

"NO!"

A wicked little giggle drifted over from behind the infuriated blonde.

She swiveled around slowly, an evil gleam in her eyes. Flames raged in the background.

"KO-NO-HA-MARUUUUUU!!!!"

The little brat just laughed and (wisely) fled the scene.

Tsunade immediately sped after him in hot pursuit.

"Thank you so much for your contribution to the fundraiser. I was skeptical at first since this is sake we're talking about here, but, actually, we've raised a lot of money-"

"GET THEM ALL BACK! I'M NOT SELLING THEM, DAMMIT!" she screamed as she rushed past.

Konohamaru was foolish enough to still not be scared. He cackled, clearly enjoying himself.

The laugh only fueled Tsunade's righteous fury, and she sent chakra down into her legs.

She ran faster and faster, closer and closer. Then --

SLAM!

She slipped on a banana peel.

_Damn you, you little brat…_

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A/N: Yes, I haven't written in a while. Currently, school sucks, and I'm trying to avoid homework. Great, huh? Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Please review. :P


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